In today's business world, people need to be Emotionally
Intelligent - deal with problems, lead by example, take the initiative, handle
difficult situations and develop good relationships with clients. EI is a
powerful means of communicating effectively, building relationships and
creating a positive working environment.
Developing Emotional Intelligence is all about being self-aware
and aware of others. This involves lifting your head from the task in-hand and
looking to see what is going on around you.
In the past, emotions were often deemed as an unwanted and
unsociable set of characteristics that needed to be controlled as they were
associated with weakness and instability. However, research is emerging that
emotions are essential for motivating actions which are critical for adapting
to challenges of survival or well-being, both personally and professionally.
We experience many types of emotions in our daily lives such as
fear, anger, enjoyment, disgust, interest, surprise, contempt, shame, sadness
and guilt. These emotions become much stronger during times when our values and
beliefs are compromised by ourselves or others. However, in order to function
professionally, we often have to temporarily manage these emotions to encourage
smooth communication or avoid conflict in the moment. But managing these
emotions does not equate to ignoring them, as this can, over time, take its
toll and lead to stress, with true personal feelings leaking through the mask.
One concept which may help with this is
Emotional Intelligence (EI). In 1995, Daniel Goleman described EI as: knowing how one
is feeling and being able to handle those feelings without becoming swamped;
being able to motivate oneself to get jobs done; being creative and performing
at one’s peak; sensing what others are feeling and handling relationships
effectively. Sounds great, but how
can we develop emotional intelligence? Are you born with it or can you learn
some strategies to develop it?
The reality is that
some people are better than others at reading their own and other’s emotions.
Like everything, once you know what to look for, you can practice and start to
pay close attention to some key signals and cues which are all around you. Here
are some ideas to help you develop your emotional intelligence:
Tip One
Listen to your own emotions - they are offering you some very important
data about your instinctive feelings about people and situations and will give
you some real clues as to whether the person or situation is making you feel a
certain way. This information will allow you to assess whether this person or
situation is possibly in conflict with your values or beliefs. This process of
naming the feeling may reduce an impulse reaction against them or the
situation.
Tip Two
Pay attention to how others are feeling – sometimes when handling a task we are focused
on how we are feeling, but we may be causing some uncomfortable stirrings of
emotions within the person we are communicating with. There are many clues that
we should be alert to. The first is body language, which includes facial
expression, stance, gestures and tone. For example, a simple physical movement
may indicate that someone is withdrawing from a conversation. This may be due
to the fact that the subject no longer has any relevance for them, or you may
have said something that they don’t agree with. Do not to plough on regardless,
but stop and ask some open questions as to what they think or how they feel
about what you have just said. This will give you some time to assess if you
are on the right track and whether you are still engaging them or not.
Tip Three
Notice moods – notice how some people make you feel more energised than
others. Think about why that is the case. Do you share similar values or
beliefs? If so, you can leverage this good mood and bring it to your next
meeting or encounter, which will allow you to further create a positive mood in
others around you. Good moods are contagious most of the time, as are bad
moods! Don’t underestimate the power of your mood in your work, as it is
contagious and can be the deciding factor as to whether people actively want to
work with you or not.
Tip Four
What is behind the emotion – when you meet an emotional response, such as
someone being angry or sad, before you react, think about what may be behind
such a response. This can be difficult if it is aimed at you, but most of the
time, it is not about you at all. Sometimes when people feel inadequate, or out
of control, they will react emotionally if they think that their values or
beliefs are being compromised. An emotionally intelligent person will not react
to the emotion, but find out what is really going on. This may involve moving
the person to a less threatening location, changing the subject until they
regain composure and displaying some empathy. Then, once they have calmed down,
some gentle probing and questioning may reveal what is really going on. This
can take some real confidence and bravery to put aside how their reaction has
made you feel and focus on what is really going on for them.
Tip Five
Managing our emotions – During our lives, some people and situations
will make us feel better or worse than others. Sometimes we have no choice but
to deal with and work with people who are very different to us and will evoke
some strong reactions inside us. The important thing is not to ignore these
feelings, but manage them in a way that works for us. If you feel angry or
upset in a situation where it would be inappropriate to display such emotions,
work out some strategies that will allow you to channel that emotion into a
safe and effective outlet. This may involve removing yourself from the
situation when the time is right, and going for a brief walk outside to breathe
some fresh air. Alternatively, it is worth having a trusted work colleague with
whom you can discuss your frustrations. This may be a person who makes you feel
good when you are around them and will bring your mood to a more positive
place.
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